theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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