he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Let's get the cat blown out
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
