Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
