I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
