so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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