I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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