FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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