i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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