it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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