haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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