I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
