by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
