I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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