I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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