FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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