My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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