I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
