my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
