The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
this just has baby written all over it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
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He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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