Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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