are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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