If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
