Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
