I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
