dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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