If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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