I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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