Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
