He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
