I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
