There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
