You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
