I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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