Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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