Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
