did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
