He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
