Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
