i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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