That's intense
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
