he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
