The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??