this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dating After Heartbreak
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.