I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.