You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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