I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
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I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
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I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".