I wanna eat
then eat your cupcake
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.