shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.