Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize