low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
