Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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