This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
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There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
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The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize