Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize