Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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