Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
