I like my sex mixed with concussions.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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