I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
