Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
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