me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
