I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
