one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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