He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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