Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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