I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
