I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
