Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
