Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
