Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
