Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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