It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
