Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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