She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Pants are for mortals
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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